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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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'Bad To The Bone' To Be Used In Film

HOLLYWOOD, CA—In an inspired act of film soundtracking, Paramount Pictures announced Tuesday that its forthcoming family comedy Twerps will feature the rock song "Bad To The Bone" by George Thorogood. "We feel the song will greatly enhance the scene in which the 12-year-old protagonist and his two pals go on a shopping spree and dress up as tough kids," said Paramount executive Edward Wohl. "As the children outfit themselves in leather, denim and sunglasses, the song's bluesy riffs and 'don't-mess-with-me' lyrics will provide the perfect musical accompaniment to the kids' get-tough makeover." Paramount also intends to use James Brown's "I Feel Good" for the film's closing-credits sequence, moments after the lead character defeats the neighborhood bully in a climactic roller-hockey match.

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