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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Badminton World Rocked By Worst Scandal Since Dad Tapped Aunt Carla's Ass With Racket

LONDON—The entire badminton world remained in a state of shock Thursday following the disqualification of eight athletes from the 2012 Olympics for allegedly throwing their matches, an incident experts are calling the sport’s highest profile scandal since Dad lightly swatted Aunt Carla’s ass with his racket during last year’s family get-together at Uncle Rob’s house. “The shameful actions of these four teams, including the world’s No. 1 women’s pair, are a stain on the sport the likes of which we haven’t seen since Labor Day, when Dad had a few Rolling Rocks and tapped his sister-in-law on her ass right there in front of everyone,” said Badminton World Federation head Thomas Lund, referring to the incident that was said to have been accompanied by a congratulatory “Atta girl” after Aunt Carla successfully served the birdie. “To preserve the integrity of the sport, we will take immediate disciplinary measures against these players in much the same way Mom did when she made Dad switch teams and play on the other side of the net.” Badminton officials agreed, however, that the ongoing scandal still paled in comparison to the devastating black-eye the sport received back on July 4, 2008, when Cousin Kevin pressed the webbing of a Sportcraft racket onto his face, leaving his entire cheek and forehead temporarily covered in small red squares.

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