adBlockCheck

Local

Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Bag Of Potatoes Desperately Searching For Dirt

OWOSSO, MI–The potatoes in a 10-pound bag of Michigan Pride Russets were discovered in the throes of death Monday, sprouting roots from their eyes in a desperate, last-ditch attempt to prolong their lives with nutrient-rich soil. "I opened the bag to grab a few potatoes for dinner," said Owosso resident Bobbi Silas, "when I saw these potatoes sprouting arms, frantically reaching for any kind of nutrition available." Silas called the experience "creepy."

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close