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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Baltimore Looking For Safer City To Host Super Bowl Parade

UPDATE: Ravens Super Bowl Parade Marred By Floatjacking

BALTIMORE—Following the Ravens’ victory over the 49ers in Super Bowl XLVII, Baltimore officials confirmed Tuesday that they are currently seeking a safer, less crime-infested city to hold the team’s celebratory parade. “Though we are all excited about our Ravens bringing home the Lombardi Trophy, we must make the safety of parade attendees and the players our number-one priority—and that means keeping the celebration far away from Baltimore,” said mayor’s office spokeswoman Ganesha Martin, who noted that parade planners had proven unable to map out a suitable motorcade route within the city limits that wouldn’t lead the procession through urban neighborhoods notorious for poverty, drugs, and brutal gang violence. “We’ve been scouting out a number of cities in which fans can cheer on their victorious Ravens without putting themselves in immense danger, including Boston, New York, and Pittsburgh. Honestly, San Francisco is pretty high on our list right now, and doesn’t have nearly as many homicides.” City officials are reportedly resolved not to repeat the same mistake made in 2001, when the decision to hold the Super Bowl XXXV victory parade in Baltimore led to the near-fatal stabbing of Ravens head coach Brian Billick by a homeless crack addict 30 seconds into the ceremony.

UPDATE: RAVENS SUPER BOWL PARADE MARRED BY FLOATJACKING

Following Baltimore’s failure to secure funding to relocate the Super Bowl victory parade to a safer region, sources confirmed that the ongoing celebration has already been marred by a series of violent floatjackings perpetrated by the city’s extensive criminal population. Parade attendees said that multiple floats have been seized by packs of lawless hijackers, and many Ravens players have been robbed, viciously beaten, and, in some cases, kidnapped as their floats are driven away from the parade route. Onion Sports will continue to update this story as it develops.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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