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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.
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Banana Republic Announces Opening Of New Stores Where Buying Pants Will Not Be Totally Humiliating Experience

SAN FRANCISCO—Retail apparel chain Banana Republic announced plans Tuesday to open 50 new stores at which customers will be able to buy pants without going through a painfully awkward, dehumanizing public ordeal. "None of our workers at these select locations will ever knock on the dressing-room door at the worst possible time or, in fact, make eye contact with you at any point whatsoever," said company president Jack Calhoun, who explained the new stores will not employ young, attractive salesclerks, nor will mortified patrons feel forced to hurriedly purchase the first garment that vaguely fits them. "We've streamlined the process so you can walk in, get what you need on the first try, drop some cash in a jar, and get the hell out of there as quickly as possible." Calhoun added that to further enhance customer satisfaction, the new locations would be nowhere near any shopping malls, and all external Banana Republic signs would only say "Store."

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