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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Band's Van Breaks Down

CHAPEL HILL, NC—Promising local band Spacegoat suffered a major setback on its path to fame yesterday, when its 1982 Dodge van broke down en route to a show in Durham.

Yesterday's van breakdown elicited strong reaction from members of the rock group Spacegoat, ranging from "Shit" to "Dude, that bites."

"Shit," said Spacegoat drummer Josh Zell, 20, minutes after the incident occurred. "That sucks big-time."

The unexpected engine failure, which Zell attributed to "like, something near the front snapping," cost Spacegoat's members $30 apiece for a tow truck and caused them to miss their 10 p.m. slot opening for fellow Chapel Hill rockers Third Grade.

"Dude, that could have been our big break," said guitarist Tim Ackles. "Guys from Mammoth [Records] were supposed to be coming to check out Third Grade. They might've signed us too."

"Totally," said bassist Tina Gurghery.

According to mechanics at McHenry Auto Service, the van will not be ready until next Monday, forcing Spacegoat to miss a headlining appearance Saturday night at friend Matt Halyard's party.

"Shit," said Zell. "That's gonna be a great party."

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