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Bank Robbers Fail To Consider O'Reilly Factor

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Teacher Who Learns More From Her Students Than She Teaches Them Fired

Explaining that her statements indicated a failure to understand and implement the district’s goal of providing a comprehensive education to all children, Southwest High School officials reportedly fired ninth-grade history teacher Jennifer Steenman today after she was heard saying she learns more from her students than they do from her. Full article.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Bank Robbers Fail To Consider O'Reilly Factor

PITTSBURGH, PA—Would-be bank robbers Anthony Nesco, 34, and James Dumas, 36, were foiled Monday after failing to take into account the O'Reilly Factor. "Before they charged into [Fidelity Savings Bank] waving their guns, those two creeps should have thought about me and my tough-talking, straight-shooting, no-nonsense style," said Bill O'Reilly, host of Fox News Channel's The O'Reilly Factor and author of a best-selling book of the same name. "Normally, I take no prisoners, but I'll make an exception in the case of these two crum-bums: Lock 'em up and throw away the key, I say." O'Reilly added that it's absolutely ridiculous, the money these moddycoddled pro athletes make these days.

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