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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Bar Patrons Dismayed By Sight Of Band Setting Up

ATLANTA—Patrons of Valentine's Tavern were visibly crestfallen Tuesday when their pleasant evening of drinking and conversing with friends was suddenly derailed by the sight of a few people plugging in instruments. "Ah, Christ," bar-goer Nick Manikat said as a stand-up bass was rolled onto the stage. "They have live music here?" According to patrons who had just ordered a round and did not have time to finish their drinks before the band's set began, they were going to be stuck there for at least 15 or 20 fucking minutes.

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