Bar Scene Also Tired Of Area Bachelor

In This Section

Vol 43 Issue 48

Lone Gunman Envied By Married Gunman

LOS ANGELES—"Running around firing indiscriminately into a crowd—now that's someone who doesn't have to wake up and go furniture shopping tomorrow," said Henderson.

D.C. Tops In AIDS

The District of Columbia has the highest AIDS rates in the country. What do you think?
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Bar Scene Also Tired Of Area Bachelor

NEW YORK—Arguing that area bachelor Gary Tate, 34, is "becoming too old for this lifestyle," hundreds of representatives from the New York bar scene told reporters Monday that they are just as tired of Tate as he is of them. "Every night it's the same old thing," said bartender Keith Sampson, who called Tate loud, obnoxious, and always stinking of cigarettes. "The only way we can tolerate this guy is if all of us are completely wasted. It's just not worth the effort anymore." Sampson added that the bar scene is willing to give Tate one last chance, in hopes that he will be "awesome and fun" like he was that one night seven years ago.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More