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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Barry Bonds In Stands Ruins World Series For Everyone

SAN FRANCISCO—Players, officials, announcers, and spectators agreed that the 2010 World Series was completely ruined after Barry Bonds was spotted sitting in the stands of AT&T Park Wednesday night. "I was overjoyed to be at the ballpark, sitting with my son and watching my favorite team compete in the World Series," lifetime Giants fan Dale Norgren told reporters. "But then I saw that jerk and it just soured the whole night. I couldn't even enjoy my hot dog once I knew Barry Bonds was sitting just 50 feet from me. Fuck." When told the Giants had won Game 1, Norgren said that he no longer cared and that he had given his son's baseball glove to a panhandler.

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