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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Barry Bonds Quietly Retires From Baseball

SAN FRANCISCO—In a sparsely attended press conference Monday, veteran left-fielder Barry Bonds, son of former Giants great Bobby Bonds, announced his retirement from the game of baseball with his legacy and dignity intact. "I know I'm only 22 home runs shy of breaking the record, but to me it was never about the numbers, and always about coming to the ballpark each day and having fun," Bonds said. "Hopefully, I've made a small impact on this sport." Bonds went on to thank the players, fans, press, and all of Major League Baseball for "making this experience a truly memorable one."

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