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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Barry Bonds Quietly Retires From Baseball

SAN FRANCISCO—In a sparsely attended press conference Monday, veteran left-fielder Barry Bonds, son of former Giants great Bobby Bonds, announced his retirement from the game of baseball with his legacy and dignity intact. "I know I'm only 22 home runs shy of breaking the record, but to me it was never about the numbers, and always about coming to the ballpark each day and having fun," Bonds said. "Hopefully, I've made a small impact on this sport." Bonds went on to thank the players, fans, press, and all of Major League Baseball for "making this experience a truly memorable one."

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