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Entertainment

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Barry White De-Euphemized

WASHINGTON, DC—The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the music of '70s R&B love man Barry White to be de-euphemized Monday. According to the court order, White's lush, steamy, romantic ballads "will no longer contain lyrics which are merely suggestive, but instead will offer specific, clinically detailed descriptions of the sex acts they have long represented." The word "love," used often by White, will be digitally remastered on all recordings and changed to "prolonged intercourse." The pronoun "I" will be replaced with "10-inch erect penis." The hit songs "I'm Gonna Love You Just A Little More, Baby" and "Can't Get Enough Of Your Love, Babe," will be renamed, respectively, "I'm Gonna Penetrate You From Behind Just Six-And-A-Half Hours More, Baby" and "Can't Get Enough Of Your Firm, Juicy Breasts, Babe."

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