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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Barry Zito: 'My Dad Says I Shouldn't Throw Curveballs Anymore'

SAN FRANCISCO—In an interview concerning his upcoming start against the Nationals, San Francisco Giants ace Barry Zito announced that he would no longer be throwing curveballs in either practices or game situations due to pressure from his father, Joe. "Dad says it could really mess up my arm for good if I throw too many curveballs," said the visibly embarrassed Zito, whose trademark curve has been a key to the success that saw him sign a seven-year, $126 million contract this past offseason. "Dad also says I shouldn't be pitching so much and that I should have a pitch count of, like, 75 pitches. Plus Coach [Giants manager Bruce] Bochy is always using me for both ends of a double-header and then in relief the next day, and that makes my arm hurt." When asked for comment, a disgruntled Bochy wondered if Zito's arm would be less sore if he wasn't also playing shortstop for his traveling high school team.

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