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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Base Runners Agree Albert Pujols Most Awkward First Baseman To Talk To

ST. LOUIS—A recent survey conducted by the Elias Sports Bureau shows that 98 percent of all National League base runners agree that Cardinals first baseman Albert Pujols is the "weirdest" and "most uncomfortable" first baseman to talk to. "There's nothing more painful than getting a leadoff single when that guy's covering first," said Houston Astros centerfielder Michael Bourn, noting that Pujols' palms are always noticeably sweaty whenever they shake hands. "The guy never looks you in the eye, and he never has anything good to talk about. Sometimes it's so uncomfortable when neither of you talk for like eight or nine pitches that even though you know you're gonna get caught, you just go for the steal to get the hell out of there." The same survey implicates that the Chicago Cubs have given up the fewest doubles in the league, which may be due to the fact that players rarely leave first base in order to spend as much time as possible with Derrek Lee.

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