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Baseball Experts: Roger Clemens Too Old For Steroids

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Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
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Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

Baseball Experts: Roger Clemens Too Old For Steroids

SUGAR LAND, TX—Claiming the 50-year-old former star was past his prime, the nation’s baseball experts announced Tuesday that pitcher Roger Clemens was too old to make a comeback to steroids.“It’s admirable he’s trying to get back to what made him great, but shooting up at 50 can’t possibly compare to what guys half his age are getting from steroids” said Fox Sports baseball writer Ken Rosenthal, adding that many of the best young steroid users have been injecting HGH since middle school. “He may be one of the greatest dopers of all time, but he’s been away too long and knows nothing about the steroids of today.” Clemens vowed to prove the doubters wrong, insisting that he could still take performance enhancing drugs at a high-level.

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