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Weird, Area Woman Wasn't Harassed Today

Bewildered paralegal Caitlin Levy says that after returning home from work today, it occurred to her that, oddly, at no point during her day was she harassed, leered at, or made to feel humiliated or physically threatened.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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Baseball Fan Discovers Awesome Baseball-Themed Website Called MLB.com

WYATT, MO—Avid baseball fan Richard Keltner was surprised and delighted to find an entire website devoted to the sport of baseball, the 28-year-old data-entry clerk reported Monday. "The other day, on a whim, I typed 'baseball' into an online search engine to see if anything would come up, and lo and behold, the first result was this site called MLB.com," Keltner told reporters. "It has news stories about baseball, baseball scores, baseball standings, baseball schedules, baseball statistics, baseball rosters—literally everything on the site deals with the sport of baseball. And you're never going to believe this—they update it all the time." Keltner said that an additional search for other baseball-themed sites yielded only something called ESPN.com, which he described as a website about advertising.
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