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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Baseball Fan Discovers Awesome Baseball-Themed Website Called MLB.com

WYATT, MO—Avid baseball fan Richard Keltner was surprised and delighted to find an entire website devoted to the sport of baseball, the 28-year-old data-entry clerk reported Monday. "The other day, on a whim, I typed 'baseball' into an online search engine to see if anything would come up, and lo and behold, the first result was this site called MLB.com," Keltner told reporters. "It has news stories about baseball, baseball scores, baseball standings, baseball schedules, baseball statistics, baseball rosters—literally everything on the site deals with the sport of baseball. And you're never going to believe this—they update it all the time." Keltner said that an additional search for other baseball-themed sites yielded only something called ESPN.com, which he described as a website about advertising.

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