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Baseball Fans Excited For All-Star Matchup Between Best Available Non-Injured Players Willing To Play In Game

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Baseball Fans Excited For All-Star Matchup Between Best Available Non-Injured Players Willing To Play In Game

PHOENIX—Baseball fans across the country have registered their excitement for Tuesday night’s MLB All-Star game, saying they can’t wait to watch the league’s annual showcase of its best players who aren’t injured, aren’t afraid of potentially getting injured, aren’t too tired, are free the night of July 12, didn’t pitch recently, aren’t scheduled to pitch next week, don’t mind making the trip to Arizona, and are actually willing to play two and a half innings of baseball. “I love the All-Star game—seeing all those guys who sort of want to be there, don't really deserve to be, and haven't reached a point in their careers where they are confident enough to flat-out reject what fans want, all together on the same diamond,” said local Diamondbacks fan Neil Shernoff, adding that he was most thrilled to see whoever was replacing Placido Polanco. “Sure, Jose Reyes, Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, Shane Victorino, Ryan Braun, Justin Verlander, Felix Hernandez, Jon Lester, CC Sabathia, David Price, Mariano Rivera, Cole Hamels, and Matt Cain may not take the field, but there are some other guys here, and they’re going to play a game of baseball.” Both managers said they’d be utilizing their entire rosters once they learned who their players are and what positions they play.

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