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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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Baseball Hall Of Fame Getting Depraved Urge To Induct Jose Canseco

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Despite being an emblematic figure of the darkest era in the sport’s history and an insufferable human being, Jose Canseco was under serious consideration this week for induction into the Baseball Hall of Fame, simply for the perverse thrill of bestowing the honor, sources confirmed Thursday. “Can you imagine the look on everyone’s face if we announced that? Fucking priceless,” Baseball Writers Association of America vice president Susan Slusser reportedly told colleagues at a recent meeting, before suggesting the removal of Lou Gehrig from the Hall to make room for an extra-large plaque befitting Canseco’s steroid-fueled frame. “Sure, he cheated by taking performance-enhancing drugs, but he hit 462 home runs and had 1,407 RBIs. Hell, we might as well put [Roger] Clemens and [Barry] Bonds in there too. There’s a fucking Hall of Fame class for you.” According to BBWAA members, the only thing holding them back from inducting Canseco was the prospect of spending an hour in the same room with the man, and living with themselves for decades to come.

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