adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Baseball Swing So Bad It Makes Joe Morgan Vomit

ST. LOUIS—Moments after watching Cardinals catcher Yadier Molina get fooled into swinging well ahead of a 73 mph curveball, ESPN Sunday Night Baseball analyst Joe Morgan convulsed violently and vomited into the lap of play-by-play commentator Jon Miller. "I was just noting that Molina really took a weak hack at that curve, evening the count at 2-2, when all of a sudden I heard Joe make this awful noise and I felt a gallon of half-digested hot dogs and cheese fries splatter onto the floor, my pants, and all four monitors in the booth," Miller said."Joe said he was fine afterwards, even though he spent the next few innings spitting on the floor and gasping with his head held between his knees." Morgan was eventually able to hold down a few complimentary chicken nuggets, which were themselves forcibly vomited after Morgan was forced to see a muffed throw to first base by Cardinals second baseman Adam Kennedy.

More from this section

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close