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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Baseball Swing So Bad It Makes Joe Morgan Vomit

ST. LOUIS—Moments after watching Cardinals catcher Yadier Molina get fooled into swinging well ahead of a 73 mph curveball, ESPN Sunday Night Baseball analyst Joe Morgan convulsed violently and vomited into the lap of play-by-play commentator Jon Miller. "I was just noting that Molina really took a weak hack at that curve, evening the count at 2-2, when all of a sudden I heard Joe make this awful noise and I felt a gallon of half-digested hot dogs and cheese fries splatter onto the floor, my pants, and all four monitors in the booth," Miller said."Joe said he was fine afterwards, even though he spent the next few innings spitting on the floor and gasping with his head held between his knees." Morgan was eventually able to hold down a few complimentary chicken nuggets, which were themselves forcibly vomited after Morgan was forced to see a muffed throw to first base by Cardinals second baseman Adam Kennedy.

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