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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Bashful Terrorists Won't Take Credit For Attack

SANA'A, YEMEN—In a videotaped statement that aired on Al Jazeera Monday, al-Aziz, the terrorist group responsible for the bombing of a U.S. Navy refueling depot, was reluctant to take credit for the attack. "While we condemn America the Great Satan and wish them death and shame, I am afraid we cannot take credit for... Aw, who told you?" Hassan al-Fayed said. "This is about bringing death to the American Crusaders, not about us. Many martyrs worked to make this happen, and they deserve the real credit." Al-Fayed did not issue any further threats, saying he did not want to call attention to a few little truck bombings.

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