adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Basketball Coach Sees Something In 7’3” High School Sophomore

CHICAGO—Explaining that he can sometimes spot raw talent just by looking at someone, Kelvyn Park High School basketball coach Keith Burris told reporters Thursday that he sees something in 7’3” sophomore Adrian Patton. “I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s definitely something special about that kid,” said Burris, who added that where others might see another random 7’3” teenager, he sees a basketball player with a lot of potential. “I think there’s a spark in him, and I think he could help us. We’ll try him out as a shooter, but I actually have a hunch the low post is where he’s going to shine.” Upon being invited to try out for the team in the fall, Patton reportedly told Burris that he can’t participate in sports due to severe arthritis.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close