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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
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Basketball's Humble Origin As A Diversion For Hated Giants

Today, genetic freaks are celebrated as sports heroes. But giants used to be shunned and feared. All that changed with the invention of basketball by Dr. James Naismith in 1891.

Giants in Springfield, Massachusetts in the late 19th century were considered a necessary evil. Loathed for their size, which was widely seen as an affront to God, the townspeople nonetheless needed the giants to pick apples in western Massachusetts's many apple orchards. But once the apple-picking season was over, angry townspeople drove the giants out of town.

With restrictive laws that barred giants from owning property in town, they were forced to find kindness wherever they could. The forward-thinking Naismith collected giants he found on the streets and gave them a place to sleep at the YMCA where he worked. Hoping to occupy their time during the winter and build their self-confidence, Naismith invented a game they could excel at.

Town leaders condemned Naismith for mixing with the giants, and rumor-mongers even slandered him with accusations his wife had been stolen by a giant. But the town's youth were fascinated by the lumbering giants and their overpowering game. Naismith incorporated the Giants Basketball Association (GBA) in 1898, which later became the NBA, and one of the most popular sports worldwide.

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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

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