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Bassmaster Somehow Has Huge Comeback

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Bassmaster Somehow Has Huge Comeback

KENTUCKY LAKE, TN—Despite being behind in the catching of fish going into the final segment or round or whatever of last weekend's Bassmaster event, angler Steve Kennedy was able to come from behind to win, presumably by catching more or larger fish at what must be assumed was the last minute. "This was one of the best displays of clutch fishing I have ever seen," said Bassmaster.com reporter Doug Grassian, who is almost certainly an expert in this area. "Keep in mind that he had to contend with a fog delay and encroaching spectator boats. Also, it's amazing that [approximately 300 words omitted], all told this man dug deep down the stretch and came through at the end to show us all what being a Bassmaster really means." Experts are still debating whether or not the performance will change the very definition of bassmastery.

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