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‘Batman V. Superman’ Promotion Urges Filmgoers To Just Get This Over With

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

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ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

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‘Batman V. Superman’ Promotion Urges Filmgoers To Just Get This Over With

LOS ANGELES—Promising that it would be best to just buy a ticket and take care of the unpleasantness right away, a new Batman V. Superman: Dawn Of Justice promotional campaign launched this week reportedly urged filmgoers to simply get this whole thing over with. “Listen, you all knew this day was coming, so just go sit your ass in the theater, stare up at the IMAX screen for a couple hours, and be done with this shit once and for all,” said Warner Brothers marketing strategist Elizabeth Harris, who encouraged fans to make plans with friends right now so they could all bite the fucking bullet over opening weekend. “You know you can’t put this off forever, so just suck it up and plow through this thing as quickly as possible. Listen, you’re going to have to pay the piper now or at some point down the road on a commercial flight or during a broadcast on TNT, so you might as well just pony up the extra 10 bucks for 3D and never think about it again.” At press time, Warner Brothers had reportedly kicked off a last-minute Batman V. Superman media blitz in major markets advising audiences to just bend over and take it like a champ.

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