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Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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‘Batman V. Superman’ Promotion Urges Filmgoers To Just Get This Over With

LOS ANGELES—Promising that it would be best to just buy a ticket and take care of the unpleasantness right away, a new Batman V. Superman: Dawn Of Justice promotional campaign launched this week reportedly urged filmgoers to simply get this whole thing over with. “Listen, you all knew this day was coming, so just go sit your ass in the theater, stare up at the IMAX screen for a couple hours, and be done with this shit once and for all,” said Warner Brothers marketing strategist Elizabeth Harris, who encouraged fans to make plans with friends right now so they could all bite the fucking bullet over opening weekend. “You know you can’t put this off forever, so just suck it up and plow through this thing as quickly as possible. Listen, you’re going to have to pay the piper now or at some point down the road on a commercial flight or during a broadcast on TNT, so you might as well just pony up the extra 10 bucks for 3D and never think about it again.” At press time, Warner Brothers had reportedly kicked off a last-minute Batman V. Superman media blitz in major markets advising audiences to just bend over and take it like a champ.

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