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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Bears Claim They'd Want Brandon Marshall On Their Side In Bar Fight With Woman

CHICAGO—Defending their newly acquired wideout Brandon Marshall, multiple members of the Chicago Bears organization came forward this week claiming they would want him on their side in a barroom brawl with a woman. "Brandon’s had his troubles, but at the end of the day he’s absolutely the kind of guy you could count on punching any number of women in the face if you needed him to," said Bears quarterback Jay Cutler, who admitted that he’s still learning what it takes to beat a woman like a leader in the NFL. "At the end of the day, it’s about trust. And I, personally, trust Brandon to do whatever number of horrifyingly brutal things to women this team needs of him." Marshall’s dedication will be a welcome addition to the Chicago offense, considering its defense is already anchored by Brian Urlacher, known across the NFL for never backing down when verbally abusing the mother of his son.

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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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