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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Bears Claim They'd Want Brandon Marshall On Their Side In Bar Fight With Woman

CHICAGO—Defending their newly acquired wideout Brandon Marshall, multiple members of the Chicago Bears organization came forward this week claiming they would want him on their side in a barroom brawl with a woman. "Brandon’s had his troubles, but at the end of the day he’s absolutely the kind of guy you could count on punching any number of women in the face if you needed him to," said Bears quarterback Jay Cutler, who admitted that he’s still learning what it takes to beat a woman like a leader in the NFL. "At the end of the day, it’s about trust. And I, personally, trust Brandon to do whatever number of horrifyingly brutal things to women this team needs of him." Marshall’s dedication will be a welcome addition to the Chicago offense, considering its defense is already anchored by Brian Urlacher, known across the NFL for never backing down when verbally abusing the mother of his son.

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