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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Bears Giving Jay Cutler A Few Years To Properly Heal

CHICAGO—Claiming they don’t want to rush the veteran play caller, Bears coach Marc Trestman announced Thursday that the team is giving quarterback Jay Cutler three to four years to properly heal from a lingering ankle injury. “For the sake of the Chicago Bears, we feel it’s best for Jay to take as many years as he needs to fully recover,” said Trestman, who reportedly advised Cutler not to worry about returning in time for the playoffs or the 2014 NFL season. “Looking at the big picture and long-term goals of this football franchise, it would be reckless and irresponsible to allow Jay to get back on the field too soon. Unfortunately, high ankle sprains can be tricky and sometimes need one or two hundred weeks to fully mend.” Bears general manager Phil Emery emphasized that Cutler should focus solely on rehabbing the ankle and that signing a contract extension with the team should be the last thing on anyone’s mind.

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