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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Bears Lead Rex Grossman To Super Bowl

CHICAGO—While coming up big in a 39-14 victory over the New Orleans Saints Sunday, the Chicago Bears single-handedly shouldered the burden of struggling quarterback Rex Grossman and led the otherwise hapless quarterback to the Super Bowl. "For a while there, it looked like Rex was done for, but then the Bears came out of nowhere with some great plays on defense, rushing, and special teams to pick up the slack," said NFL analyst Len Pasquarelli. "They almost literally put Rex on their collective back and carried him through that game. All season long, the Bears have shown that they can win, even in the presence of Rex Grossman." Following the game, Grossman admitted that he would "never have gotten this far" without the Bears, saying "those guys are the true reason for this team's success."

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