Beauty Of National Forest Enjoyed By Logger

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Vol 37 Issue 07

Menu Describes Diner's Pancakes As 'World Famous'

FT. COLLINS, CO– A laminated paper menu for Smitty's Diner on Hwy. 32 describes the eatery's pancakes as "world famous," patron Annette Larouche discovered Monday. "Well, I guess I've been hiding under a rock," Larouche said. "I can't believe I made it this far in life without hearing of Smitty's World Famous Pancakes. Apparently, this is something people throughout Europe and Asia know all about." The menu also praised the eatery for "The Best Apple Pie Ever To Touch The Lips Of A Mortal."

Architect Asks Self How Le Corbusier Would Have Designed This Strip Mall

TOPEKA, KS– Architect Curtis Winter, designer of the planned Fox Plaza strip mall in downtown Topeka, found himself wondering Monday how influential 20th-century Swiss architect Le Corbusier would have approached the retail center. "I could imagine Le Corbusier using more sculptural roof-lines on the Play It Again Sports," Winter said. "And I could see the FuncoLand making a stronger impression from afar and evoking a modernized classicism if it were raised up on stilts." Winter previously made headlines for a laundromat that echoed the abstract geometric designs of I.M.Pei.

6-Year-Old Cries When Told MTM Productions Kitten Dead By Now

RYE, NY– Following a WKRP In Cincinnati rerun Monday, 6-year-old Megan Connor was devastated to learn that the mewling orange kitten in the MTM Productions logo has almost certainly been dead for years. "All I said was that that kitten was around back when I was a kid, so it probably died 15 or 20 years ago," said father Bruce Connor, 39. "Now she won't come out of her room." Megan's parents plan to forbid Megan from watching Family Ties reruns for fear of having to explain the whereabouts of Ubu.

Bankrupt Dot-Com Proud To Have Briefly Changed The Way People Buy Cheese Graters

SAN FRANCISCO– Egraters.com, an Internet retailer that filed for Chapter 11 last week, announced on its homepage Monday that it is proud to have briefly made people rethink the way they buy cheese graters. "Unfortunately, we were not able to see our revolution all the way through," read the message from CEO Jeff Bell, 29. "But for a brief, shining moment, we showed the world that there is a better way to buy graters." Bell said he hopes to one day relaunch Egraters.com and "smash the tyranny of traditional brick-and-mortar cheese-grater-tailing."

The Puff Daddy Trial

Rapper Sean "Puffy" Combs is on trial for illegal gun possession and bribery stemming from a 1999 shooting at a Manhattan nightclub. What do you think?

A Spy At The FBI

For 15 years, FBI agent Hanssen sold sensitive U.S. secrets to Moscow. Among the information he divulged over the years:

A Homey In Need

All y'all disciples of tha H-Dog know that The Man always be tryin' to playa-hate on tha Accountz Reeceevable bruthahood, 24-7. On any given day in tha office park what contain Midstate Office Supply, tha 5-0 be bustin' some A.R. bruthah on some trumped-up charge, like jaywalkin' or findin' a ounce or two of correction fluid on his person an' claimin' he wuzn't usin' it for no correctin'. That shit don't never happen to no Accountz Payabo muthafuckas, 'cause they got all tha dead prez an' can bribe tha pigs so they look tha other way. A.R. bruthahs ain't got nothin' but debits, an' they thankful if they just balance at tha end of tha goddamn day.

I Have Expensive Taste In Trucks

Call me stuck-up. Call me a snob. That's fine with me. Because what you call snobbery, I call refusing to settle for anything less than the best. Yes, for me, nothing but the finest trucks will do.
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Beauty Of National Forest Enjoyed By Logger

SAWTOOTH NATIONAL FOREST, ID–The rugged natural beauty of Idaho's Sawtooth National Forest was thoroughly enjoyed by logger Steve Orton Monday.

Logger Steve Orton takes in the breathtaking majesty of Sawtooth National Forest.

"This sure is beautiful country," said Orton, admiring the lush foliage surrounding him in most directions. "Just smell that fresh air."

An employee of the Northwestern Logging Company, Orton was dispatched as part of a team of 350 loggers to Sawtooth last Thursday after the company outbid dozens of competitors for a lucrative government contract.

"I could never work all cooped up in an office," said Orton, placing his coffee mug on a stump grinder, a three-ton machine used to pulverize tree stumps into sawdust. "I only feel at home when I'm surrounded by nature in all her magnificent splendor."

One of the largest national forests in the U.S., the 2.1 million-acre Sawtooth boasts an astonishing variety of terrain, from wildflower-covered meadows to towering mountain peaks. With many areas only accessible by helicopter, Sawtooth is considered one of the most pristine old-growth forests in America.

"I've been a logger all my life," Orton said. "I've worked in a lot of areas, but this is definitely one of the most awe-inspiring. It was so beautiful and untouched, it was almost like we were the first people to set foot here. I know that's not true because people used to camp out here, but they cleaned up after themselves so well, you'd never know it."

Orton, a self-proclaimed "nature lover and all-around outdoorsman," reported that the first tree they felled was especially impressive.

"For some reason, we decided to start with this enormous western hemlock," said Orton, motioning to what is now a 15-foot-wide stump. "During a break, Wally [Dassle] decided to count the rings and there were 160 of them, which means that tree had been here since 1841. Just think about all the history that's happened since that tree was a sapling."

In addition to admiring the trees, Orton said he has "a real soft spot" for the local wildlife.

"You wouldn't believe how many elk we saw over there," said Orton, pointing to what is now a pockmarked, heavily eroded field. "Every morning, before we started work, one or two would come out of the trees into the clearing to say hello."

A section of forest that Orton said "was absolutely awe-inspiring."

"Most days, we see animals while we're setting up camp, but after we begin we don't see them anymore," said Orton while filling the gas tank on a professional-grade chainsaw. "I keep forgetting to take a camera with me to snap some shots."

For nearly a week, Orton has been working on clearing 1,200 acres of the Sawtooth National Forest, with the lumber to be turned into 2x4s or presswood.

"This is an incredible area," said Orton, patting the bark of a Sitka Spruce. "Sometimes, when we're on break and everything's quiet, the rustling of the remaining foliage almost seems to be talking to me."

Orton said that even though he and the other loggers are working, they have set aside time for fun.

"When we first got out here, we'd fish during our lunch break," Orton said. "Russ [Keely] caught a 30-pound Steelhead, and we all got pretty excited. We haven't been able to fish the last few days, what with the logs and all, but it sure was fun while the river was still clear."

With the logging project scheduled for completion March 4, Orton is determined to enjoy his remaining time in the forest.

"Russ and I talked about seeing who can scale that huge one over there the fastest," said Orton, pointing to a 100-foot-tall spruce. "We'll have to do it soon, though, because we're taking it out right after lunch tomorrow."

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