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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Beckham An Inspiration To Children Who Never Get Put In Game

LOS ANGELES—Whether intently watching the on-field action or waving to his family in the stands, David Beckham's impressive display of bench-sitting skills and off-field techniques since joining his new team has had a major impact on both the L.A. Galaxy sidelines and the millions of children who never get playing time. "He makes sitting on the bench awesome. I can't wait to not suit up for our next game," said Jeremy Parker, 9, who is not one of his soccer team's starting 11 players or even one of the seven substitutes. "For our next match, I'm going to dress up in my church clothes and try to hold my cup of Gatorade like Beckham." Leading child psychologists have applauded Beckham's positive influence, saying that as a role model, Beckham shows that it is not whether you win or lose, but how you watch others play the game.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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