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Weird, Area Woman Wasn't Harassed Today

Bewildered paralegal Caitlin Levy says that after returning home from work today, it occurred to her that, oddly, at no point during her day was she harassed, leered at, or made to feel humiliated or physically threatened.
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Ben Roethlisberger Relieved To Suffer Football-Related Injury

ATLANTA—Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, who survived life-threatening injuries as a result of a motorcycle accident during the pre-season and endured an emergency appendectomy in early October, was relieved Sunday to suffer a serious traumatic injury during the course of a football game. "I think things are definitely starting to get back to norb... to nurm... to normal," said a barely conscious Roethlisberger, who suffered a concussion as a result of a helmet-to-helmet collision during the third quarter of Pittsburgh's game against the Atlanta Falcons. "It was nice to be on the sidelines, in pain, and in full uniform all at the same time, for once." Roethlisberger added that his experiences off the football field have taught him a valuable lesson, and had he not been wearing a regulation helmet during Sunday's game, he could be dead right now.

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