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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Ben Roethlisberger Relieved To Suffer Football-Related Injury

ATLANTA—Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, who survived life-threatening injuries as a result of a motorcycle accident during the pre-season and endured an emergency appendectomy in early October, was relieved Sunday to suffer a serious traumatic injury during the course of a football game. "I think things are definitely starting to get back to norb... to nurm... to normal," said a barely conscious Roethlisberger, who suffered a concussion as a result of a helmet-to-helmet collision during the third quarter of Pittsburgh's game against the Atlanta Falcons. "It was nice to be on the sidelines, in pain, and in full uniform all at the same time, for once." Roethlisberger added that his experiences off the football field have taught him a valuable lesson, and had he not been wearing a regulation helmet during Sunday's game, he could be dead right now.

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