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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Ben Roethlisberger Relieved To Suffer Football-Related Injury

ATLANTA—Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, who survived life-threatening injuries as a result of a motorcycle accident during the pre-season and endured an emergency appendectomy in early October, was relieved Sunday to suffer a serious traumatic injury during the course of a football game. "I think things are definitely starting to get back to norb... to nurm... to normal," said a barely conscious Roethlisberger, who suffered a concussion as a result of a helmet-to-helmet collision during the third quarter of Pittsburgh's game against the Atlanta Falcons. "It was nice to be on the sidelines, in pain, and in full uniform all at the same time, for once." Roethlisberger added that his experiences off the football field have taught him a valuable lesson, and had he not been wearing a regulation helmet during Sunday's game, he could be dead right now.

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