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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Bengals Fan Confident This The Wake-Up Call Pacman Jones Needed

CINCINNATI—On the same day cornerback Adam “Pacman” Jones pleaded not guilty to assault charges after being accused of striking a woman outside of a bar, local Bengals fan Randall Price reportedly told his friends Tuesday that he’s confident this incident is the wake-up call that Jones needs to turn his troubled career around. “It really seems like he’s going to learn his lesson from this arrest,” said Price of the troubled NFL star who has now had more than 10 brushes with the law. “I’m pretty confident that this actually winds up being good for him and good for the NFL. It provides an example to the rest of the league that after a lengthy suspension and then a few more incidents, a player can finally go on to have a successful career after just one more arrest.” When asked by reporters whether he also saw the off-the-field incident as a wake-up call, Jones made it very clear that he felt “that dumb bitch is lying.”

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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