Bengals To Enforce Strict 3 a.m. Curfew

In This Section

Vol 43 Issue 30

Farewell, Weekly World News

Weekly World News, home to columnist Ed Anger and exclusive coverage of Bat Boy, will cease publication as of August 3. What do you...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Customer Service

Bengals To Enforce Strict 3 a.m. Curfew

CINCINNATI, OH—After enduring the arrests of 10 of their players over the last 14 months, the exasperated Cincinnati Bengals coaching staff announced that it will enact a new training-camp rule—the Bengals' third ever—requiring players to at least try and make it back for the 3 a.m. curfew. "I know the guys won't like this," Bengals coach Marvin Lewis said Monday. "But a rule's a rule, as I've often told them, and if they can't get drunk, stoned, or embroiled in a running gun battle with police before the curfew, they will eventually have to suffer the consequences." The team is also considering a radical new policy that would encourage Bengals players who drink heavily to seek the help of a designated driver to take them to practice.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More