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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Best-Laid Plans Of Mice Mostly Cheese-Related

ALBUQUERQUE, NM—Animal-intelligence researchers at Sandia National Labs have found that the best-laid plans of common laboratory mice are overwhelmingly directed toward the acquisition of cheese. "Whatever rudimentary planning skills mice possess are devoted primarily to finding cheese, and these plans are manifest in dodging predators, chewing through things, and, in specialized cases, running mazes," researcher Jack Stein said. "By contrast, the best-laid plans of men are more long-term, with the acquisition of cheese comprising one subcategory of endeavor." Stein added that both types of plans tend oft to go awry.

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