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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.

A Timeline Of Trump’s Relationship With The Press

President-elect Donald Trump routinely insists that he is treated unfairly by the press, while many in the news industry have openly expressed how difficult it can be to report on him in today’s chaotic media environment. Here is a timeline of the major events that have shaped this relationship.

The Pros And Cons Of Universal Basic Income

As Finland tests a program to give a universal basic income to unemployed citizens, many wonder if a similar initiative could work in the United States. Here are some pros and cons of such a program:

What Compromising Information Does Russia Have On Donald Trump?

On Tuesday, it was reported that leaders of American intelligence agencies had given Donald Trump a memo advising that Russia had gathered compromising personal information about him as part of a wider effort to disrupt the election, though these claims remain unsubstantiated and both the president-elect and the Kremlin deny these reports. Here’s a look at what damaging information Russia may have in its possession.

How Confirmation Hearings Work

On Tuesday, Congress began holding confirmation hearings to evaluate the fitness of President-elect Donald Trump’s cabinet nominees for their offices. Here is a step-by-step guide to the confirmation hearing process.

Trump Gives Intelligence Agencies Their Daily Briefing

NEW YORK—Sitting down with top officials from the CIA, FBI, and Defense Intelligence Agency in a Trump Tower conference room, President-elect Donald Trump reportedly gave U.S. intelligence agencies their daily briefing Tuesday morning.
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Best They Could Get Accepts Republican Nomination

TAMPA, FL—Addressing thousands of faithful GOP supporters at the Republican National Convention Thursday evening, the best they could get right now formally accepted the party’s nomination for the presidency of the United States.

“It is a great honor to stand before you all today and accept your nomination for president,” the only real viable alternative they had, given the options, told the assembled GOP delegates at the Tampa Bay Times Forum. “Together, we will take America in a new direction. Together, we will win the White House.”

With Thursday night’s speech, the by no means perfect choice what are you gonna do finally reached the end of a difficult nomination process, having beaten a field of challengers in the primaries that included they’d have to be crazy, not a chance, and the absolute worst-case scenario.

“You have given me a solemn responsibility, one that I do not take lightly,” said the honest to God strongest game plan the Republicans could come up with after four whole years of trying. “It has been an extraordinary journey to this point, and I believe this is only the beginning.”

After accepting the nomination, the lesser of several evils thanked those in attendance, adding that it was a great honor to have the much more exciting possibility, actually, although probably better for 2016, as a running mate.

What they’re just going to have to live with because it isn’t like Ronald Reagan is walking on to that stage anytime soon then went on to offer a hopeful vision for the future.

“It is true that our country has fallen on hard times,” the only halfway decent alternative around if one is being brutally frank—and, at this point, why not be brutally frank—said in the nationally televised speech. “But a brighter future lies ahead.”

Promising to solve the country’s economic woes and restore strong values to the White House, the admittedly safe bet that didn’t exactly set the world on fire in 2008, isn’t exactly setting the world on fire now, and probably never will be what die-hard conservatives, or even moderate Republicans for that matter, really want in their deepest heart of hearts blasted President Obama for “four years of failed ideas and failed policies.”

“It’s time for a change,” the perhaps inevitably uninspiring fall-back plan of a rudderless party attempting to redefine its political identity amidst a rapidly changing political landscape announced. “I will not let you down.”

“Thank you, and God bless America,” concluded the only way they were going to raise this kind of money, anyway, so they can’t complain too much.

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