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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Best Thing That Ever Happened To Area Man Yelling At Him About Socks

MINNEAPOLIS—Joseph Collins, 38, who is perhaps the luckiest man alive and who certainly doesn't deserve the wonderful woman who showed him what it was like to be happy, was chastised by the love of his life for sock-related reasons Thursday. "Look at the holes in these toes," sighed Collins' perfect match, who found him when he was adrift in his late-20s and brought joy and tenderness into his life. "And these are your good SmartWools. You have to treat your things right, honey. Are you listening to me?" At press time, Shelly Collins' knight in shining armor was spilling cookie crumbs all over the couch she had just cleaned.

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