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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Beyoncé Quickly Releases New Song About How Buying Tidal Subscription Most Empowering Thing A Woman Can Do

NEW YORK—Following on the heels of the surprise release of her new album, Lemonade, over the weekend, Beyoncé unexpectedly debuted a brand-new song Monday about how purchasing a subscription to the streaming music service Tidal is the most empowering action a woman can take, sources confirmed. “Beyoncé’s latest track is a spirited feminist anthem that sharply strikes at the patriarchy beginning with the opening verse, ‘Ladies, don’t ever let your man tell you what to do,’ before offering potent validation to her predominantly female listeners by stating that ‘High-quality streaming audio was made for queens like you,’” wrote New Yorker music critic Carrie Battan in a review of the new track, titled “Rise (And Sign In),” which was accompanied by a lush music video depicting the 20-time Grammy winner sitting in the study of a mansion clad in a majestic, diamond-studded fur coat while entering her credit card information into an online form. “She continues with even more pointed lyrics in the chorus: ‘Boss-ass bitch going hard with that $9.99 plan; stunners going harder with the lossless $19.99, fam.’ It’s a true ode to female strength, and a stirring call to action to women to rise up together and assert their economic independence.” At press time, the song had already been posted on a torrent site, where millions had downloaded and circulated it free of charge.

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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

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