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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Biden Co-Presents Best New Starlet Award With Shyla Stylez At 2015 AVN Adult Movie Awards Show

LAS VEGAS—After winking and giving a thumbs-up to several female attendees seated in the front row as he crossed the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino stage, Vice President Joe Biden presented the trophy for Best New Starlet alongside pornographic actress Shyla Stylez at Saturday’s 2015 AVN Awards. “This is my favorite category every year—it always gets me hard as a rock,” said the vice president before listing off the names of the nominees and offering an open invitation to each of the erotic film actresses to stop by his room at the Golden Nugget. “While Uncle Joe’s personally squeezed one off to each of the talented and hot-to-trot nominees, we can only have one Best New Starlet. And the winner is.” The vice president then feigned difficulty opening the envelope, claiming that whoever sealed it must have forgotten to wipe their hands.

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