adBlockCheck

Politics

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Trump’s Budget Proposal: What You Need To Know

President Trump has revealed his first budget blueprint, which contains $54 billion in cuts while accommodating increased spending on defense and security. The Onion details the major elements of Trump’s proposed budget:
End Of Section
  • More News

The President Of Vice

GO TO FEATURE

Biden Frantically Hitting Up Cabinet Members For Clean Piss

WASHINGTON—A cabinet meeting in the White House’s West Wing was reportedly interrupted early Thursday morning when an agitated Vice President Joe Biden suddenly barged in, asking if anyone could “hook [him] up with a Dixie cup” of their urine. “C’mon, you gotta help me get some clean whiz—Shinseki, Donovan, I’m looking in your direction,” said Biden, who implored all 15 heads of the executive-branch departments not to say anything, noting he would be in “deep shit” if they did. “I’m not fucking around. I need some lizard juice, pronto. And dudes only—I can’t get found out like I did last time.” According to sources, Biden then hurried out of the room, vowing to return with bottles of water in case anyone needed help “kickstarting their hogs.”

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Trump’s Budget Proposal: What You Need To Know

President Trump has revealed his first budget blueprint, which contains $54 billion in cuts while accommodating increased spending on defense and security. The Onion details the major elements of Trump’s proposed budget:

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close