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Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Biden Investigated For Questionable Workers’ Comp Claim

WASHINGTON—Weeks after accepting a workers’ compensation settlement for a personal injury he purportedly sustained on the job, Vice President Joe Biden is under investigation for allegedly filing a fraudulent claim, sources confirmed Friday. “Can you believe it? I wrench the hell out of my back while showing a diplomat around the Rose Garden, and now they’re trying to take away my disability check?” a back brace–wearing Biden said of the ongoing probe into his settlement, noting that he expects to be “on the mend” for at least a few months. “I got this jerk-off from the insurance company snooping around, and I keep telling him, ‘Listen, buddy, if you don’t get off my case, I’m likely to re-aggravate my injury and be off the job even longer.’ I’d love to get back to work, but right now my lawyer says the best thing for me to do is take it easy and keep collecting those checks, so that’s exactly what Uncle Joe’s gonna do.” Biden added that while he’s been treating his injury with “a few cold ones, [he] could definitely use some Oxy to help put out the fire.”

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