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Politics

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.
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Biden Pardons Single Yam In Vice Presidential Thanksgiving Ritual

WASHINGTON—In keeping with a longstanding Thanksgiving tradition, Vice President Joe Biden ceremonially pardoned a 4-pound yam today at a ceremony in the White House Rose Garden. "Under my authority as vice president of the United States of America, I hereby grant this yam full and unconditional clemency," a smiling Biden declared as he gently patted "Spud," a Beauregard sweet potato grown in Louisiana and selected from millions of candidates yielded by this year’s harvest. "May he never find himself in a casserole. Right, little guy?" Like yams reprieved before him, Spud will ride as an honored guest aboard the second float of the Disneyland Thanksgiving Day Parade before spending the rest of his life in the comfort and safety of a tuber petting zoo.

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Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

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