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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Biden Requests To Be Named Special Envoy To Reno

WASHINGTON—Saying there are national security matters that "need sorting out down there," Vice President Joe Biden requested Friday an appointment as special envoy to the city of Reno, NV. Saying he had already done some of the preliminary work necessary to establish relations with the city, Biden assured President Obama that he had even made significant headway with a local dignitary named Candi. "Though the United States has not, historically, found it necessary to establish diplomatic relations within our own boundaries, the vice president did make a very convincing argument," White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel said. "Although I'm not sure why he was so insistent about getting diplomatic immunity for the weekend." While Obama was noncommittal about the appointment, he did grant Biden the special 26E2BVP license plate the vice president had been asking about for months.

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