Biden Shares 20-Minute Post-Debate Kiss With Janna Ryan

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Vol 48 Issue 41

Taylor Harris

Leukemia sufferer Taylor Harris passed away Sunday afternoon, mere seconds after the Minnesota Vikings and the Make-A-Wish Foundation fulfilled the 9-year-old’s dream of fielding an NFL kickoff.

Secretary Of Interior Decks Smart-Ass Buffalo

LIMON, CO—Saying the 1,800-pound bovine had it coming, Secretary of the Interior Ken Salazar decked a wise-ass bison during his recent visit to the Prairie Ridge Buffalo Farm, sources confirmed Saturday. The prick buffalo reportedly exhibited a shit...

Defense Secretary Warns Of Cyber Terrorism

Warning that Internet worms and malware could devastate the U.S. power grid, transportation network, and financial system, Defense Secretary Leon Panetta urged the nation to invest heavily in cyber security to avoid an “electronic Pearl Harbor....

Outfit Just Screams 'Police Officer'

Mr. Autumn Man walks down the street with a cup of coffee, wearing sweater over a plaid collared shirt, the seed of World War III is planted in a Beijing Middle School gym class, and the nation did not see Mark Wahlberg's sex change coming.
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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Biden Shares 20-Minute Post-Debate Kiss With Janna Ryan

DANVILLE, KY—Following Thursday night’s debate at Centre College, Vice President Joe Biden and Janna Ryan, wife of Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI), shared a passionate 20-minute-long kiss that eyewitnesses described as lustful, vulgar, and sloppy. “Janna rushed past her husband and into Biden’s arms. He grabbed her and plunged his tongue deep into her mouth, and then they started going at it like crazy,” said debate moderator Martha Raddatz, explaining that the embracing couple caressed each other’s bodies while fervently kissing and tearing off various articles of clothing. “When the vice president began nibbling on her ears and fondling her breasts, Mrs. Ryan stuck her tongue straight out of her mouth and Biden just started licking all around it. She was literally shaking.” At press time, Biden told reporters he had Janna Ryan “gushing like Old Faithful.”

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