adBlockCheck

Recent News

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
End Of Section
  • More News

The President Of Vice

GO TO FEATURE

Biden's eBay Feedback Rating Dips Below 35 Percent

WASHINGTON—A recent wave of negative bidder responses posted to Joe Biden's eBay account has for the first time dropped the vice president's already unfavorable feedback rating below the 35 percent mark. "Poor packaging, pages torn, and item routed through Tijuana and delayed more than four months!!!" read the angry feedback for VINTAGE CALENDAR OF BORIS VALLEJO EROTIC FANTASY ART, which was listed alongside items such as used kamikaze bandanas and bottles of pheromone cologne. "Seller refused to give me a refund and just said he’d give me partial credit if I wanted to buy a neon Stroh's sign. STAY AWAY!!!!" At press time, Biden’s feedback rating was approaching 25 percent as no one had received the 500-count box of tanning glasses they had ordered.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close