adBlockCheck

Recent News

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
End Of Section
  • More News

The President Of Vice

GO TO FEATURE

Biden's eBay Feedback Rating Dips Below 35 Percent

WASHINGTON—A recent wave of negative bidder responses posted to Joe Biden's eBay account has for the first time dropped the vice president's already unfavorable feedback rating below the 35 percent mark. "Poor packaging, pages torn, and item routed through Tijuana and delayed more than four months!!!" read the angry feedback for VINTAGE CALENDAR OF BORIS VALLEJO EROTIC FANTASY ART, which was listed alongside items such as used kamikaze bandanas and bottles of pheromone cologne. "Seller refused to give me a refund and just said he’d give me partial credit if I wanted to buy a neon Stroh's sign. STAY AWAY!!!!" At press time, Biden’s feedback rating was approaching 25 percent as no one had received the 500-count box of tanning glasses they had ordered.

More from this section

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close