adBlockCheck

Sports

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.
End Of Section
  • More News

Big 12 Agrees To Annual Bowl Loss Against SEC

IRVING, TX—Keeping with years of tradition of getting blown out in demoralizing defeats to its dominating competitor, the Big 12 Conference confirmed Monday it has agreed to a yearly bowl loss to the Southeastern Conference. "This is a proud day for the Big 12," said interim Big 12 commissioner Chuck Neinas, who acknowledged that the decision, like everything the conference has done in the past year, was forced on them by the SEC's pursuit for ever-increasing revenue and power. "Every New Years Day, a national television audience will get to enjoy an exciting matchup as the SEC champion thoroughly embarrasses the best remaining school in the Big 12 over the course of four agonizing quarters. For the dozen member institutions of the Big 12, it will be like the throbbing pain of their New Year's hangover never ended." According to the bowl agreement, if the SEC champion is playing for the national championship in a given year, the school at the bottom of the SEC standings will take their place in order to make the Big 12's loss all the more humiliating.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close