In an effort to cater to customers who have lost the will to live, economy hotel chain Red Roof Inn officially unveiled Thursday its new Suicidal Suite available at each of their locations across the nation.
NEW YORK—Following a Tuesday morning workout in preparation for the upcoming Belmont Stakes, three-year-old thoroughbred Big Brown maintained his three-year media silence by trotting past reporters and ignoring questions regarding the health of his hoof, changes to his training regimen, and his reasons for firing his longtime agent James "Bus" Cook. "Big Brown is an intensely private athlete who prefers to lets his actions dictate his legacy rather than his words," said agent Drew Rosenhaus, whom the undefeated thoroughbred hired on May 24. "Reporters are always trying to second-guess him, but this is one individual who is dedicated to his sport. He may not speak to you, but Big Brown is always telling me how thankful he is for the opportunities he's been given." Neither Big Brown nor Rosenhaus would comment on whether or not Brown had in fact been shopping with Hillary Swank in an upscale SoHo boutique Saturday.