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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Big Brown Continues Three-Year Media Silence

NEW YORK—Following a Tuesday morning workout in preparation for the upcoming Belmont Stakes, three-year-old thoroughbred Big Brown maintained his three-year media silence by trotting past reporters and ignoring questions regarding the health of his hoof, changes to his training regimen, and his reasons for firing his longtime agent James "Bus" Cook. "Big Brown is an intensely private athlete who prefers to lets his actions dictate his legacy rather than his words," said agent Drew Rosenhaus, whom the undefeated thoroughbred hired on May 24. "Reporters are always trying to second-guess him, but this is one individual who is dedicated to his sport. He may not speak to you, but Big Brown is always telling me how thankful he is for the opportunities he's been given." Neither Big Brown nor Rosenhaus would comment on whether or not Brown had in fact been shopping with Hillary Swank in an upscale SoHo boutique Saturday.

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