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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Big Game Coming Up

NEW YORK—A major contest between two high-quality teams in a major sport is scheduled to take place in the immediate future, multiple media sources reported earlier this week. "No doubt about it—this is the biggest game since the championship, and it might be the biggest one we see until the playoffs," a respected analyst for a major sports news organization said Monday, echoing the words of analysts at most major newspapers and magazines, sports television show hosts, and radio personalities. "This will be one for the ages, one to watch, one to talk about at work the next day, a classic battle of high-flying talent versus hard-nosed grit. I can't even begin to guess at a score." Although tickets have been sold out since they went on sale during the exhibition season, fans are divided on whether they are expecting an upset or a blowout.

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