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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Big-Hair Lady Loves Jesus

FT. WAYNE, IN—Patricia Templeton, a 54-year-old Ft. Wayne big-hair lady, loves Jesus, it was learned Monday. "I do love my Lord Jesus with all my heart and soul," said Templeton, her head wobbling under a mountainous heap of teased, heavily sprayed hair. "He's up there looking out for me, as sure as I'm talking to you." Other people loved by the colossally coiffed Templeton include her three grandchildren, daytime-television personality Kathie Lee Gifford, and fellow big-hair lady Jan Crouch of Trinity Broadcasting Network.

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