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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Big-Hair Lady Loves Jesus

FT. WAYNE, IN—Patricia Templeton, a 54-year-old Ft. Wayne big-hair lady, loves Jesus, it was learned Monday. "I do love my Lord Jesus with all my heart and soul," said Templeton, her head wobbling under a mountainous heap of teased, heavily sprayed hair. "He's up there looking out for me, as sure as I'm talking to you." Other people loved by the colossally coiffed Templeton include her three grandchildren, daytime-television personality Kathie Lee Gifford, and fellow big-hair lady Jan Crouch of Trinity Broadcasting Network.

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