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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Big-Hair Lady Loves Jesus

FT. WAYNE, IN—Patricia Templeton, a 54-year-old Ft. Wayne big-hair lady, loves Jesus, it was learned Monday. "I do love my Lord Jesus with all my heart and soul," said Templeton, her head wobbling under a mountainous heap of teased, heavily sprayed hair. "He's up there looking out for me, as sure as I'm talking to you." Other people loved by the colossally coiffed Templeton include her three grandchildren, daytime-television personality Kathie Lee Gifford, and fellow big-hair lady Jan Crouch of Trinity Broadcasting Network.

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