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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Bigot Relieved To Learn Gays In His State Still Effectively Subhuman

NORMAN, OK—Following the Supreme Court’s landmark 5-4 ruling this morning striking down the Defense of Marriage Act, local bigot Donald Pohlman, 45, reportedly breathed a sigh of relief upon learning that homosexuals were still considered less than human under the laws of his home state. “Boy, that’s a load off—for a second there when I saw all those gays hugging and celebrating on the Supreme Court steps, I thought it could have been really bad,” said the visibly reassured hate monger, who noted that it was “very comforting” to discover that every homosexual living around him remained a second-class citizen and would continue to be denied basic human rights by the Oklahoma constitution. “Yes, sir, that was a close one! Luckily, my beliefs are being upheld and gay marriage stands no chance of getting through our state legislature—not if people like me have any say in it, that is.” Pohlman told reporters he was further delighted upon reading a related article detailing the Supreme Court’s recent rolling back of the Voting Rights Act.

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