Bigoted Asshole Makes The Best Barbecue

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Vol 49 Issue 33

Government Finally Admits Existence Of Area 51

In declassified CIA documents, the government officially acknowledged for the first time ever the existence of Area 51, saying that the top-secret location in the Nevada desert was created as a testing site for the U-2 spy plane in the 1950s.

Dog Unaware It Isn't Starving

Scientists finally pronounce the human genome, a new report finds that the Washington Redskins’ name is only offensive if you think about what it means, and a bigoted asshole makes the best barbecue.
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Healthy Eating

Bigoted Asshole Makes The Best Barbecue

ALLENTOWN, PA—Friends of local man Charles Wyatt, an intolerant asshole who unrepentantly despises all non-Caucasians, confirmed Tuesday that the deeply bigoted man makes the best barbecue around. “Oh, man, Charlie’s an absolute master on that grill,” said Wyatt’s next-door neighbor Mark Hawthorne, who like all of the racist prick’s exclusively white friends has long enjoyed the hateful, small-minded man’s expertly prepared grilled chicken, spare ribs, and beef brisket. “First he marinates everything in his own homemade North Carolina–style sauce, and then he slow-cooks it for hours so the meat just falls off the bone. I swear, nobody does it quite like Charlie.” Sources additionally confirmed that Wyatt’s tantalizing barbecue dishes are perfectly complemented by the cooking of his wife, Sandy, a vicious anti-Semite who makes the best macaroni salad you’ve ever had in your life.

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