adBlockCheck

Recent News

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
End Of Section
  • More News

Bill And Melinda Scoggins Foundation Pledges $58 For Charity

GALENA, IL—Continuing in its philanthropic mission to promote educational and humanitarian causes throughout the entire northwest Illinois region, the Bill and Melinda Scoggins Foundation announced Monday a landmark $58 pledge to help fund the local 4-H organization. “Having already achieved a very comfortable living from my successful pool supply business, Melinda and I are now focused on giving back to the community, and the Galena 4-H’s goal of youth development was a cause that spoke to both of us,” said foundation president Bill Scoggins, whose generous gift follows last year’s contribution of $45 to the local Knights of Columbus and the previous year’s donation of a box of winter clothes and old books to the Salvation Army. “Melinda and I are so blessed to have everything we need: a nice split-level house, enough money to visit the [Wisconsin] Dells every year. What’s the point of sitting on your fortune when some of it can be used to help those in need?” According to sources, in addition to their charitable giving, the couple recently became part-sponsors of the East Dubuque Little-Cubs.

More from this section

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close